CANCER AND FINANCIAL ISSUES: THE AFTERMATH – AND THE FUTURE
Reaching the end of your cancer treatment can bring tremendous relief – but also new and different uncertainties. For the duration of your treatment you have the framework in your life of hospital visits, check-ups and progress consultations. While this can be far from pleasant, it can provide a kind of reassurance, a sense that you are being constantly looked after and that your cancer is being attacked. The check-ups will continue, of course, but some men do find it difficult to adjust back to a life in which the focus of treatment is no longer present. This may be mixed with a huge sense of relief that you have arrived at the end of this stage and that you have coped with this experience.
If you were able to continue a relatively ‘normal’ life during your treatment, then you may feel less impact when it is completed. If you had to stop working or give up your normal routines, and found that your life was largely dominated by your cancer, then you will be facing a further period of transition. Going back to work or looking for a new job or picking up the threads of your life before cancer may feel like a huge task. You may in any case be limited by the advice of your medical team to take life gently for a while.
Some men find that living with cancer has given them a new or different outlook on life. Perhaps your sense of priorities has changed, or issues which previously seemed very important have become less so. Perhaps there have been subtle changes in relationships which cause you to value friends and loved ones more consciously. This does not imply that you have changed for the better as an individual – or changed at all.
You might see the end of your treatment as an opportunity to explore new directions in your life or to change the emphasis. Perhaps you feel that your career has a different significance now and that you want to spend more time pursuing other activities. This does not mean that you will always feel this way, but rather that your cancer has prompted you to reassess certain aspects of your life. If you do feel strongly that your priorities have changed dramatically and that you intend to make significant changes to your life then take the time to think these through, discuss them with your family and friends, and work out how you plan to use your time and energies.
It is not uncommon to experience doubts and fears about how well you will cope. Will you manage to fulfil your role as husband/ partner/father/son/friend as you did before your cancer? Will people regard you differently now? There will obviously be continuing concern for your well-being, and you may feel frustrated that people still dwell on your cancer for some time.
You may also experience fears about the recurrence of your cancer. This is an issue which will not go away, and while doctors would dearly like to give you watertight guarantees for the future, this is just not possible. You may feel that you simply want to put the whole experience behind you, forget about it and get back to ‘real’ life again. You would not be human if you did not have fears and doubts, though. You are allowed to be worried and anxious, but it is important not to bottle up your fears unnecessarily. Talk to those close to you – they are almost certainly sharing exactly the same anxieties, and will welcome the chance to say so and to let you know that they are willing you on to a full recovery. If you find that you are becoming over-anxious or depressed about the future, then do not hesitate to contact your GP or ask at your hospital about counselling. Specialist cancer counsellors often provide continuing support – after all, the end of your treatment does not mean that your experience of cancer simply comes to an abrupt end. If you need to talk further, then allow yourself to do so.
Gary was surprised by feelings of guilt after radiotherapy treatment for his brain tumour proved more successful than was originally anticipated. He felt guilty that the treatment had worked for him, but that others around him were less fortunate, and began thinking, ‘How is it that I have survived when others are dying?’ He had undergone regular counselling throughout his treatment, and found it useful to discuss his feelings with his counsellor.
You may experience an unexpected sense of frustration, as Neil found:
I began to feel intensely frustrated soon after the final chemotherapy session of my initial treatment. It was late in the year, and I decided to give myself to the end of that year to recuperate and decide ‘what to do next’. I had previously been running my own business, practising as a chartered accountant, but sold the practice soon after my diagnosis. The first few days of the following January were not easy because there was no obvious new path to take, yet I was feeling strong and well and wanted to start working on something positive and constructive immediately. I knew, of course, that it can take time for new projects to emerge – which, in fact, they quickly did – and in the intervening period, I felt as if I was treading water when I wanted to be swimming the Channel. All I can say is try to hang on and be patient (I wasn’t, particularly!) – it is frustrating.
Life does go on after cancer. It may have caused big changes in your life or it may have had less impact. There is no right way to view your experience – some men choose to try to find some constructive element on which they can draw in the future and others want to try to forget about it as soon as possible. Returning to ‘normal’ may be a long process, and ‘normal’ may mean something different to you now.
Any journey through cancer treatment is hard, and inevitably it will leave its mark. But it is possible to make a positive difference by resolving to manage with determination and, together with family and friends, to confront and take what control you can of such an unwelcome situation. Above all, be aware of your achievement in coping with your cancer and congratulate yourself on reaching each milestone in your treatment.
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April 2, 2009 - 5:47 AM